this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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