I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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