Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
