So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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