I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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