ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
