He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
