I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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