Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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