he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
