I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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