Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
