I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
