Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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