I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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