OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
