Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
