i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my being single is dangerous.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As shirtless as possible
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
