I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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