Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
