Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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