Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
