God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize