My brain says no but my pants say off.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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