Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
