the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
