So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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