You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
