He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
