how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
