please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
