i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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