I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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