i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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