If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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