I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drake has all the answers
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
