a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I want her autograph on my taint
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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