there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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