So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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