Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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