I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
