Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
