his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
