he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
