this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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