I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
