Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
