Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
