You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
