yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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