Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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