What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
