After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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