i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
