On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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