i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
