I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
