I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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