he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
