found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
