you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
