everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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