I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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