I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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