I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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