I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
