So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
