how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
