he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
