Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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