lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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