It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
