you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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